


catra and adora have a long conversation because they are complicated people who love each other very much

by NowhereGirl471



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:01:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27383122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NowhereGirl471/pseuds/NowhereGirl471
Relationships: Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Kudos: 22





	catra and adora have a long conversation because they are complicated people who love each other very much

Adora was chatting with Frosta, Perfuma and Mermista at a nearby table. Catra stood and watched, tense. With her sensitive hearing she could pick up the conversation from farther away than most people could. She still felt uncomfortable joining a conversation with no information available, she had to know what they were talking about. If they were talking about her. She’d always done this, hung back out of sight, eavesdropping, ever since she was back in the horde. It helped her learn how things really worked, how to climb the ranks faster, how to - navigate Shadoweaver better. How people talked about her when she wasn’t around - and more importantly when Adora wasn’t there.  
She’d get hyperalert, ears twitching at anything that sounded like her name, eyes watching to make sure as soon as someone noticed her she’d start moving, away or to join them, so they’d never know she was watching. Bow was the one who noticed that first, and she’d been self conscious about it ever since but he told her she didn’t have to stop or anything. Not every habit she picked up in the Horde was evil, and he felt worried about asking her to quit doing too many things that made her feel secure.  
Perfuma’s eyes changed focus and Catra started walking. By the time the long haired girl had recognized her it looked like she’d just arrived at the party, and Catra smiled when she waved her over. They hadn’t been talking about her, so there was no real danger in joining them, but...they had been talking about, rebuilding. Recovering. Which was fine and all but she was what they were recovering from, even if they wouldn’t say it. It made her uneasy, and so she attached herself to Adora as soon as she could, putting her arm around her shoulder and leaning on her a bit. It wasn’t affectionate and she still liked to pretend it wasn’t intentional, but feeling Adora there with her calmed her. It always had.  
“Hello Catra, we were just talking about…” Perfuma’s face twitched, and her eyes were wide. She was clearly worried their conversation might bother Catra and was not good at hiding it. Catra didn’t want to have to deal with that, and so she shifted the conversation to a more blunt direction.  
“Frosta, help her out. You were paying attention, weren’t you?”  
Frosta slammed her hands down on the table, nearly lifting herself up to look taller. “Of course!” Frosta had a tendency to should things at Catra. She still talked to Catra like they were enemies on the battlefield, and it was exhausting to Catra that no one else recognized how adorable that was. She liked the kid. It was fun talking to her.  
“We were talking about what we can do as princesses to help the people of our kingdoms get over all the bad war stuff that happened to them.”  
Adora frowned. “That’s not quite-”  
“Nah that’s pretty much it” Mermista interjected, barely managing to keep her playful rudeness playful. She was ruminating over something, something that was bothering her.  
Perfuma seemed to have regained some sort of balance. “The people of etheria have gone through a lot. People lost their homes, saw them destroyed, got chipped, and felt so afraid for a long time. I’m even having people come to me from my kingdom who can’t get over what they saw of the lives they lived in that - weird portal dimension thing that - well….”  
“The portal I opened. You can talk about what I did while I’m here. It’s better than the opposite.”  
“That’s nice.” Perfuma smiled, and it freaked Catra out that she couldn’t find any indication that she didn’t mean it, no matter how hard she tried. “It’s the weirdest thing, with all the other stuff that’s been going on, but I have people who are having trouble dealing with the confusion of their memories of the things they remembered in the dimension that never really happened, or who’re disturbed by what their perfect lives mean about the real lives they’re living now.”  
Frosta scoffed. “Perfect lives? Mine was so boring! All I did was make decisions and sign papers and run my kingdoms. I didn’t get to fight anybody, even once. Whoever created that whole thing-” she stopped, then looked deadpan at Catra, “oh, I guess that would’ve been you - well, it definitely wasn’t perfect.”  
“No, it wasn’t.” Adora was speaking strangely, as if from a distance, and it worried Catra a bit. She looked….like she did back in the Horde. Bad. Happy mostly, but always like she was waiting for something, for things to finally change for better or for worse. Ever since things had changed for the better, and Catra had stopped trying to make them worse, she wasn’t like that a lot.  
“My portal world was pretty cool. It was like my normal awesome life but I never had to deal with the Horde and all. No offense,” she added, looking at Catra.  
You know it’s easier for me if you just talk about the Horde without always dragging me into it. Catra thought about saying that. Apparently saying those kinds of things was healthy and good or whatever. But she couldn’t. She was too focused on Adora. She kept getting guarded, every time the portal world was mentioned. Catra felt guilty and it was the kind of guilt that scared her, the kind that she couldn’t talk about with Bow or Glimmer or even Adora. But she could handle it without hurting anyone anymore. If she didn’t then she would just have more guilt to deal with and she’d start hurting more people because of it and-  
She tapped Adora on the shoulder. “Do you want to get away for a little bit?” She whispered it, not quiet enough that the others would think she’s trying not to be heard, but soft enough that they’d politely pretend they didn’t hear.  
Adora nodded. And she smiled. But she wasn’t relieved, Catra could see her mood darken even more. And her fingers brushed the plating of the bracelet that kept her sword. She did that when she wanted to feel powerful, when she wanted She Ra with her to protect her or someone else. When she was about to face an enemy. Catra tried to stop thinking about that. She and Adora awkwardly waved goodbye to the princesses and wandered into a sufficiently secluded hallway.  
They stood there.  
Catra waited.  
Wait, I’m the one who has to say something.  
“So….back there….you seemed….kind of….” as Adora’s expression didn’t change, Catra signed forcefully and put her hands through her hair.  
“Oh my god, this is infuriating! How do you guys do this every day with me, nothing feels right to say.”  
Adora laughed, barely. “We have to. And there’s three of us. So….” she shrugged, and didn’t seem to notice that she had trailed off, or to care.  
Catra folded her arms. She was starting to get irritated, and she knew that was bad but this was only ever going to happen one way and that was messy.  
“You get weird when people talk about the portal world.”  
“Pfffffft, what? Catra, I just do not know what you’re talk….ing….” Adora’s face had contorted into something which was unrecognizable as any human emotion, but faded to embarrassment as she started to give up. “.....about.”  
Catra laughed, and pushed Adora lightly in the shoulder. “After all this you are still the worst liar in the world.”  
“Yeah.”  
Adora hadn’t brightened up at the joke, or when Catra touched her. It was starting to get scary. If Catra couldn’t make her feel better, if she didn’t make her happy anymore, then, then….  
“Well why don’t you stop sulking and tell me what’s bothering you!”  
Her tail was extended and her teeth were bared. She was angry, she didn’t know what she could do. What am I doing, this could ruin everything? But Adora wasn’t talking to her and if she couldn’t find a way to make things better….  
Adora seemed shaken out of her stupor, and when she faced Catra she was riled up too. She spoke every word like she’d started off shouting and then restrained herself.  
“I’m fine. Everything is fine now. That’s all that matters.”  
“If that were true then you would be fine, Adora! Something’s hurting you and I know it won’t stop just because you like things now. Please just this once let me be the one who helps you.”  
“You can’t!”  
“Why not!”  
“BECAUSE THE PROBLEM IS YOU!”  
Adora clasped her hand over her mouth and her eyes started to water. “N-no, I didn’t mean that-”  
Some deep and terrible feeling had sunk in Catra’s chest, and it felt like she was stepping off the edge of a cliff but she walked towards Adora and took her hands.  
“Okay. Tell me.”  
Adora jerked tried to move her hands away but then changed her mind. She looked frantic. “No Catra, we’re finally happy together and we have to stay that way, if I-”  
Catra kissed her.  
She pulled away.  
“Adora, did that make you feel happy? Feel good?”  
Adora sniffed.  
“No.”  
“Then, right now, things aren’t good. Not saying what’s wrong doesn’t keep it from hurting you, it just keeps it from being fixed.”  
Adora laughed. “Who told you that, Bow or Perfuma?”  
“I think I came up with it on my own. After saying a lot of things I didn’t want to. And it was hard. But I’ve gotten better, Adora. I’m not as fragile as you all think I am. I want to know what’s bothering you, no matter what.”  
There was a silence.  
“It’s just, thinking about the portal world….and us….” She’d balled up her hands into fists, squeezing them tight, arms shaking. Catra put her hands over hers, careful to keep her claws out of the way. Adora looked over at her and stopped shaking.  
“You tried to kill me - again, and you were willing to destroy everything and I tried to get through to you so hard and you just didn’t care. About me, about yourself, about anything. And it terrified me. And then you got all corrupted by the - portal...magic - and you were still chasing me and you looked at me like I was nothing. Like all you wanted to do was make me hurt. Like you hated me.”  
Catra was careful not to pull away or push forwards. “I did.”  
Adora let out an abrupt breath, like a laugh without any trace of humor. “And I had wanted to believe for so long that I could have you back again and I had to give that up and I knew I was hurting you but I couldn’t stop and it felt like I was killing you - like the girl I loved - like you were killing her, and I just felt, I hated you and I had to hurt you and I knew you’d hurt me if I let you and I kept looking so bad for anything left of you and I just couldn’t find it and I felt…”  
Adora started sobbing, and Catra did her best to hold her, still a bit unsure if that was the right thing to do.  
“You tried to kill me. And destroy - all the - everything. And then you tried to destroy us again, and you invaded us and clawed me and targeted my friends and, and -”  
“Yes, I did all those things.”  
Adora looked at her through her tears, and laughed, for real this time. “I guess that’s it. I still remember seeing you, and feeling nothing but hate looking back. It scared me.”  
“It didn’t feel to good on my end either.” Catra caught one of Adora’s tear’s with her claw. It caught a beam of sunlight as it dripped onto the floor. “You did the right thing back then. You had to stop me to save everyone, to save me. I’m glad that you did. If you hadn’t acted when you needed to I wouldn’t be able to be here with you now. And I love you. So much.”  
“I love you, Catra.”  
They smiled together.  
“....so, is that it? Did I work you through it?”  
“I mean, I guess. I start to think I have more to say, but it’s all just….the same things. I feel stupid just standing here telling you things you did.”  
“I’ll admit it’s not my favorite past time either. I’m thinking about just getting a giant sign to wear around my neck that goes “I’m sorry! I was evil.”  
“Don’t you think a collar would work better?”  
“Shut up!”  
They both laughed.  
“I just said a lot of terrible things.”  
“A lot of terrible things happened.”  
“Yeah.”  
“....Adora? When you start to think about….those things I did, should I leave you alone? Give you some time with Bow and Glimmer.”  
Adora looked down. She seemed guilty so she must have been really considering it.  
“....I don’t want to have to go get my friends because I can’t stand being alone with the girl I love. It’s just….I looked at her, the uh, you, back in the portal, and it was the same face, I mean it was corrupted but it was your face, and the way she looked at me….sometimes I start to feel like I’m with her instead. It’s nothing you do, just an accident or something, but….I just need to be reminded that it’s you.”  
“And how can I do that?”  
“....Just, say something. Smile, or glare or run off, just - anything to remind me that you care, about me, about yourself….just let me know you’re there.”  
“Well that’ll be easy. We can do that. Just….tap me on the shoulder or something, grab my hand. If I know then I can help you.  
Now let’s get back to the party. We absolutely need to be around someone who did not just have this conversation.”


End file.
